So I am learning to skate ski…as noted by my awkward position in this photo.
While I love having new experiences and trying new things, the act of learning something new used to make me anxious…and then I didn’t enjoy learning the new thing anymore.
Talk about a buzz kill, huh?
Living in a new town, with new activities and new people to meet, I decided to better understand why I loved new things and new people, but disliked the process of learning new things and meeting new people.
For me, I discovered learning new things put me in a constant state of measurement—Am I learning fast enough? Am I doing it right? Will I ever know enough? Am I good enough to do this with others?
Doubt, doubt, doubt…judge, judge, judge.
Not exactly an enjoyable experience nor a good scenario for my nervous system or stress levels.
As for meeting new people, I found that I had anxiety of being rejected. Again, not being good enough, not being worthy enough, not being likable, etc.
Both scenarios stimulated some pretty unhealthy thoughts about myself. In the past, I would have just avoided situations that created such stimuli because at that time of my life, my nervous system just couldn’t handle it.
But in the past two years, I have been nurturing my nervous system and increasing its capacity to face some serious core fears and wounds. Therefore, as I have tried new things and met new people in my new hometown, I have detached to the outcomes of my efforts.
And guess what?
The anxieties have lessened and lessened and just about disappeared all together. Now, I am actually enjoying trying new things and meeting new people which means more of my light and love can flow out of me instead of being blockaded by my anxieties.
If you find yourself, overly attached to outcomes, results or measurements here are some things you can do:
1) Ask yourself why outcomes and results are so important to you? Is it part of your identity? Does it help you define your worth? Is it because of your upbringing?
2) In your exploration of why you’re attached to outcomes and results, you will find there are some you realize are not serving your greatest good. Decide which ones you’re ready to let go, so they can let go of you.
3) In this process of detachment, be kind and gentle with yourself. When we realize certain belief systems don’t serve us anymore, it can be a bit unsettling for our ego who has done such a good job of guiding us and protecting us through life. If you find yourself anxious or uncomfortable at any point in your detachment process, then say these words to yourself, to your ego. I like to put my hands on my heart when I say these words.
Thank you for all you have done for me and for helping me find my identity. I now know that my identity is not in my attachment to the outcomes of my efforts, but in living my soul story. I have a right to feel good about me and my life, so from now on my soul story is the outcome I am attached to. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I know it might cause anxiety to even think about doing anything without measurement but that’s only because you, like most of us, have probably been conditioned in a mindset of cause and effect.
No one to blame, not pointing fingers. It’s just a reality of a culture that when in balance makes us great, but when out of balance slowly sabotages us from the inside out and ultimately paralyzes us.
Ironically, since I have unburdened myself with measurement, I have found my life to be way more fulfilling while producing outcomes beyond my expectation.
As backwards as it sounds, it’s amazing what happens when you hold things with an open hand instead of trying to control the outcomes…when you live your soul story!
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