What do your friendships and relationships bring you?

Love? Intimacy? Trust? Comfort? Laughter? Joy? Growth?

Or do they manifest drama, angst, bitterness, envy, distrust or even hate?

You see, you get to choose the kind of relationships you have, but you have to be super honest with yourself about what you seek in relationships and even more so what you need in relationships. Most of our relationships are based on relationship patterns we have either experienced in our youth or have seen and want to emulate them—either consciously or subconsciously. The conscious patters are easy to figure out and adjust and because we can use our mind and modify our behavior.

The subconscious patterns are often invisible and hard to detect. They are also the most powerful. Think about it…how many times have you told yourself you’re not going to date a person like that again or engage in a toxic friendship again and before you know it, you’re right back in one? The more you repeat this cycle the more you start to believe that you’re not worthy of healthy, positive relationships. But no one is ever past the point of no return, you are absolutely worth friendships and relationships that amplify your soul story instead of suffocate it.

So how do you undo those subconscious patterns? You re-program your subconscious to desire healthy relationships instead. One of the best tools we have found to do this is in The Healing Codes by Dr. Alexander Loyd. It’s a simple solution to solve complex problems. We encourage you to check it out. (And no, we’re not paid to share these books with you.)

However, in the meantime, here are a couple of principles that can help you re-program your subconscious. 

  1. Find some quiet time on a regular basis to become aware of some unhealthy beliefs you have about yourself: not good enough, lonely, afraid of rejection, afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of love, afraid of trusting, etc. Be really honest with yourself…if you deny these belief patterns, the only person you’re hurting is yourself.
  2. Think back to a time, as far back as you can remember, where these unhealthy beliefs may have been formed. Maybe it was at school, maybe it was with your friends or maybe even an interaction with your parents. There’s no judgement on how they came into play or who may have done something to you to form those beliefs…that’s not the focus here.
  3. Now that you have identified an unhealthy belief and when it was formed, I want you to notice if there are any parts of your body that feel tight or constricted when you think about the time when this belief was formed. You will most likely notice the constriction somewhere down the front of your body i.e. throat, chest, diaphragm, lower abdominal areas. Put your hands on the constricted area, close your eyes, breath into that area and send love to it. Do this for at least 3-5 minutes. Not sure what I mean by sending love? How about starting with positive affirmations—so for fear of being rejected—you would say I am loved, I am accepted, I am worthy. Or maybe you come up with your own version of sending love. The goal is to overwhelm the fear with love because love is more powerful than fear. Some of you will notice the fear dissipate right away. For some the fear will feel greater before it diminishes. And for some the fear will slowly erode over time. Repeat this cycle at least three times a day until you feel more love than fear in this area. And then move on to the next unhealthy belief pattern you would like to re-program.
  4. Be sure to observe if you notice anything different after each 3-5 minute session. Some people notice things right away, some people take longer to notice things. It doesn’t matter how long it takes…it matters that you have freedom from these unhealthy patterns. From this place of freedom is where you will start seeing your relationships change for the better!


Please share your experiences with me! And of course, feel free to ask any questions. I know this seems a bit over simplified and ambiguous but that’s because it is. Your healing journey is unique to you. This is just a tool to help you heal in a way that works for you!